Dream

I awoke from a vivid dream of 2401. I knew I was only there for a visit, but I was glad to be there because I know it no longer existed as such except in my memory. I felt closer to Mom & Dad as if they were just out of the house. I sat in Dad's recliner. I was doing laundry so I will go tend to that in the now.

Friend

If for company you find a wise and prudent friend
who leads a good life,
you should, overcoming all impediments,
keep their company joyously and mindfully.

Dhammapada 23.328

Delight in heedfulness!
Guard well your thoughts!
Draw yourself out of this bog of evil,
even as an elephant draws itself out of the mud.

Dhammapada 23.327

Strong as an elephant

Delight in heedfulness!
Guard well your thoughts!
Draw yourself out of this bog of evil,
even as an elephant draws itself out of the mud.

Dhammapada 23.327

Day four of the retreat

The fourth day of the retreat is the day one learns the vipissana part of the meditation. It is the head to toe scanning of the body. It is a day of determination about the sitting. The first head to toe sitting takes about two hours. Talk about determination. My legs were screaming with pain. I was in tears and so relieved when the session ended. It is a good thing we were silent. I couldn't have stood to hear my self complaining outloud. It was ugly enough inside my head.

Any sensual bliss in the world,
any heavenly bliss,
isn't worth one sixteenth-sixteenth
of the bliss of the ending of craving.

Udāna 2.12

A month in

A month after starting the newest phase in my spirituality journey, I have one note for this morning: It is difficult to have a calm and equanimous mind the morning after watching the movie Milk last night.

To avoid all evil,
to cultivate good,
and to purify one's mind -
this is the teaching of the Buddhas.

Dhammapada 14.183

East meets West Virginia

'Just as a solid rock is not shaken by the storm,
even so the wise are not affected by praise or blame.'
Daily Words of the Buddha for October 15, 2009

Equanimity, equipoise, equilibrium...

On September 23, I rode with friends from the Wheeling book club to Camp Fairlee at Chestertown, MD to attend a 10 day Vipassana retreat. I must admit that I had done some research into what I was getting into, but had not done more than scratch the surface. Partly I was going on trust in my friend's research. My trust was well placed. The 10 days were vibrant and exciting. Some moments were challenging past my expectations, but challenge is the push I often need to step out in faith.

The reading I have done through the years and the focus the reading group had prepared me to richly dive into the retreat. What a blessing. What a blessing.

I am just one of many westerners who have been exploring eastern thinking and meditation. Nothing really new here. Just my journey.

Slippin through my fingers

Song lyrics | Slipping Through My Fingers lyrics

Schoolbag in hand
She leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye
With an absent-minded smile
I watch her go
With a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm loosing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes
Her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake
I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone
There's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt
I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
Well some of that we did
But most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers -

Schoolbag in hand
She leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

Recommended Reading

I recently read and was astounded by Jill Bolte-Taylor's My Stroke of Insight. Everyone in the health care profession should read or listen to her.

Last night I finished Darkness Visble, A Memoir of Madness by William Styron. I recommend this rich book for anyone who has experienced depression and especially for those who haven't.

Rounding out my current top three titles is The Migraine Brian by Caroln Bernstein, MD and Elaine McCurdle. If you or a loved one suffers from bad headaches or has been diagnosed with migraines, this is must reading.

Trust me.

Stevie Wonder

A voice of my youth that I remember floating through the air across the city park pool in Parkersburg was Little Stevie Wonder. Today he sang at Michael Jackson's memeorial service.

"I Never Dreamed You'd Leave In Summer"

I never dreamed you'd leave in summer
I thought you would go then come back home
I thought the cold would leave by summer
But my quiet nights will be spent alone

You said there would be warm love in springtime
That was when you started to be cold
I never dreamed you'd leave in summer
But now I find myself all alone

You said then you'd be the life in autumn
Said you'd be the one to see the way
I never dreamed you'd leave in summer
But now I find my love has gone away

Why didn't you stay?

"They Won't go when I go"

No more lying friends
Wanting tragic ends
Though they do pretend
They won't go when I go

All those bleeding hearts
With sorrows to impart
Were right here from the start
And they won't go when I go

And I'll go where I've longed
To go so long
Away from tears

Gone from painful cries
Away from saddened eyes
Along with him I'll bide
Because they won't go when I go

Big men feeling small
Weak ones standing tall
I will watch them fall
They won't go when I go

And I'll go where I've longed
To go so long
Away from tears

Unclean minds mislead the pure
The innocent will leave for sure
For them there is a resting place
People sinning just for fun
They will never see the sun
For they can never show their faces
There ain't no room for
the hopeless sinner
Who will take more
than he will give
He ain't hardly gonna give

The greed of man will be
Far away from me
And my soul will be free
They won't go when I go

Since my soul conceived
All that I believe
The kingdom I will see
'Cause they won't go when I go

When I go
Where I'll go
No one can keep me
From my destiny.

Day five of retirement

Up and out to the pancake breakfast at the Thomas Fire hall. Then to church.

As it was cool and rainy and we were both feeling lazy or uninspired we did not take in the Community Chorus concert or teh annual symphony perforamnce.

Tomorrow to conquer the world. Well, maybe start.

July 4

I've been feelin' so good lately I could cake walk into town...

Repurposing

Who made up that word?

A new house two 1/2 years ago, but now I am in it full time. We are looking at the rooms thinking about how to best use them. Ed is mostly out and about. Maggie has one more year of HS. Abbey visits often, Walt and Sam more rarely. Kayce still fits with Maggie.

We came up with a furniture waltz in teh living room that I think will work quite nicely.

You see we have some functional pieces-TV and couch. Then we have many sentimental pieces most from family and pleasing to the eye. It iwll be fun as soon as I find some of those miracle slide-y furniture round thingies.

Second

Day 2, July 2. How convenient. I know it won't take long to lose count.

Loading the car and getting ready to drive. Last book group last night, but we are going to try skype.

Goodbye to Cindy. What a blessing to have shared the last year with her. Richness.

I'm comin' home, I've done my time
Now I've got to know what is and isn't mine
If you received my letter telling you I'd soon be free
Then you'll know just what to do
If you still want me
If you still want me
Whoa, tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree
It's been three long years
Do ya still want me?
If I don't see a ribbon round the old oak tree
I'll stay on the bus
Forget about us
Put the blame on me
If I don't see a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree

Bus driver, please look for me
'cause I couldn't bear to see what I might see
I'm really still in prison
And my love, she holds the key
A simple yellow ribbon's what I need to set me free
I wrote and told her please

Whoa, tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree
It's been three long years
Do ya still want me?
If I don't see a ribbon round the old oak tree
I'll stay on the bus
Forget about us
Put the blame on me
If I don't see a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree

Now the whole damned bus is cheerin'
And I can't believe I see
A hundred yellow ribbons round the old oak tree

I'm comin' home

Jully 1, so it begins

Yesterday I pushed hard to finish up paper work, order supplies, identify things for other employees, say goodbye to those who called, clean off the desk and computer. Bob and Gail sent flowers which I forgot in the building and went back for. I took them to the house on the Island then drove to the Grove to pick up prescriptions. On the drive to the Grove, I started sniveling.

By the time I got back to teh house I was crying, so I called Phill and then Abbey.

But that seems to have passed now. I did want to note it as I can't remember the last time I cried.

I don't feel finished at the Hall(3yrs)there are still things I wanted to do which was not true at Telemarketing(5 yrs), Blennerhassett(7yrs), or Blackwater(8yrs).

Wheeling has been great fun. I will miss the library, Lois and her family, Cindy and her friends, my reading group, the downtown marketing group, the history folks and my other co-workers. It has been a good run.

Tomorrow I will drive to Tucker County and be immersed in house work and unpacking. I have a busy July waiting. Back to loading the car and having the dogs follow me around.

June 28 2009

Three days, two work days til retirement.

Wow.

A first hurdle is packing and moving my good stuff back to Tucker County. Phill is coming after his work tonight to help tomorrow. He will take a load, then I will fill my ccar on Wednesday and drive it over on Thursday. Cindy has graciously said what I don't take now I can fetch later. Particulary helpful for the furniture pieces.

This afternoon CIndy has planned a goodbye luncheon with her cousin and friends.

Later "ghost hunters" are coming to the Hall.

Going out with a bang.

Big Change

As of June 30, I will retire from working for the state of West Virginia. The last time I was not employed was in 1980 when I was home for five years having Abbey, Walter, & Sam. So basically, I have been busy since I started my senior year in August 1969 -- 40 years.

When I wanted to work in the summer during high school, my dad said no. "You'll have to work the rest of your life." He was right. Of course.

June 6, 2009 was the 7th anniversary of his death. 65th anniversary of D-Day in which he most certainly participated and during which many of his shipmates gave their lives.

Although I envision I will need to work for "spending money," I hope to have part of the summer off to be a homemaker and a family/friend visitor.

As for my contribution as a worker...I declare it a good run.

I have become addicted to online Scrabble.

Guess who is coming for dinner

Katie Couric asked the two presidential candidates which three living people they would like to have dinner with. I would like to have dinner with my five children and my husband. Really.